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#7 – Newports

March 14, 2008

The late 1950’s through Mid-1960’s wasn’t a pleasant time to be a Negro. Times were hard, the streets were rough. And then came Newport cigarettes. With Newports on the loose, the world was a better place. If you had Newports you were automatically “the bomb” and could enter any conversation with style by using this catch phrase, “Anybody want a Newport?” Rumor has it that the first day Newport’s were introduced to the street, the first cigarette out of the first pack was smoked by Martin Luther King.

Newports have a fresher taste than most cigarettes, the menthol is what does the trick. Even if you don’t smoke Newports, it’s a good idea to carry a pack with you. This way you will always be ready to remedy any situation with a hostile black male or female. In order to handle a hostile situation just reach into your purse or pocket in a non-threatening way, smile and say, “here, have a Newport?” This automatically diffuses the situation, and the Black individual will become friendly again. If they are not cigarette smokers, you’re out of luck.

If you are a Black male and smoke Marlboro Lights, do not let your fellow Negro friends know. If they happen to find out this is completely unacceptable and you will be deemed a sissy or a soft-ass n*gga, and will never live it down. Asking a Black man why he smokes Newport cigarettes is like asking a cat why he meows, you just don’t do it.

One of the greatest sports apparel companies owes its success to Newport Cigarettes. It’s been proven that Black people have instinctual attraction to purchase things with the Newport logo on it in any shape or form. This is why Nike is so successful, and everyone knows that Black people absolutely can’t get enough Nike. They say Newports refresh you while you smoke…could this be the reason Michael Jordan came out at half-time playing even better?

*Note – Rotate the Newport Logo 180 degrees and you have a Nike Check. Offering a Black man a Camel cigarette is the equivalent of spitting in his face and stepping on his Air Force Ones, simultaneously.

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20 comments

  1. Conspiracy theory….Nike symbol on newports hmmm…..lol


  2. lol so dumb.. brions bro smokes these


  3. […] Anything Black is about…anythingBlack, you name it, we’ll talk about it 🙂 « #7 – Newports #8 – Making Fun Of Dark People March 15, 2008 Black people love to exclaim how much they […]


  4. LOL at the Newports. Everyone black under 60 still smoking smokes Newports.

    haireality.blogspot.com


  5. true,theres just something about em


  6. You have a very interesting website. I luv your take on things. I will definitely be checking you out. Now there are some uppity negroes who are going to be offended by what you say so I hope you are prepared for them. Keep doing what you do!!!


  7. OMG!! This was hilarious!! Your outlook on things is so original!! It is so so so so so true that black people love NEWPORTS!! And then the conspiracy that Nike & Newports are affiliated, I wouldn’t have ever thought of that!!! Great!


  8. […] or darker, you can prevent abuse by being kind to all your black friends; keeping a pack of Newports with you, and a bottle of lotion because the darker you are the more visible the dry skin/ash is. […]


  9. I’M very very white. and i love newports….


  10. Thats gross man… im not black and theyre the only cig i touch… what does that make me? Certainly not a wannabe and mostly why does anyone care? Chicken, watermelon and newports are stereo types… its the new millenia get with the program


  11. Lol…Is there any truth to this myth? Hmmm..I do say that it is ironic that the majority of most African Americans smoke “newpies” however, there are a rare few that still likes More, kools and salems.


  12. Seems to me that black folks smoke Newports because most other black folks do. I observe the black community daily and notice that there is hardly any indivisualism. If a black man(or woman) speaks properly, is married to the woman/man of their children, has tastes in all kinds of music, is well read and educated they are considered sell outs that are trying to be “white”.


  13. we sell sports apparels online on ebay and it is a good business too ”


  14. you can always buy sports apparels online, you just need to choose your supplier carefully ~:~


  15. It’s a fabulous pity you actually don’t enjoy a donate switch! I’d most likely donate to this exceptional web site! Document suppose that for the time being i’ll be happy with book-marking and additionally including any Rss feed to make sure you great Google and bing membership. Document check forth to make sure you new posts all of which show this approach site by means of great Youtube group: )


  16. This is absolutely hilarious!….Mainly because it is sarcastically true. Being from Detroit, in a mainly black neighborhood….Most gas stations sell “loosies” (loose cigarettes, usually 2/$1.00) and they sell very well….Illegal, but very profitable. Never, have I EVER seen a loosie that was not a Newport!!


  17. hello there and thanks to your info – I have definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did alternatively experience a few technical points using this site, since I skilled to reload the site many occasions previous to I may get it to load correctly. I were pondering in case your hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, however slow loading cases occasions will sometimes impact your placement in google and can damage your quality rating if advertising and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for much extra of your respective exciting content. Make sure you update this again soon..


  18. Hilarious im white and my best friend is black and he smoke newports. my brand of choice is camel didnt know i was spitting in his face when he asks me for a cig and i hand him a camel.


  19. also didn’t notice till just now that this article is over 2 years old.


  20. What’s up to every body, it’s my first pay a quick visit of
    this web site; this weblog includes awesome and actually fine material for readers.



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