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#4 – Lotion

March 10, 2008

Out of all the epidemics that have plagued mankind, dry skin has lasted throughout the ages. All races suffer from dry skin, but the advantage of being white or fair skinned is that it is not as visible. On a Black person dry skin appears on the skin in the form of what is called ash (skin so dry it appears gray).

In the Black-American community to be ashy is completely unacceptable. Not only is being ashy offensive to the eye, but black people generally don’t want to be seen with an ashy individual because this effects their social status. No one wants to be known as the person who hangs out with “Ashy Larry“. You have two options, cause a diversion and split, or lose irreplaceable respect from your peers. It is not considered Kosher to inform a black males if they are ashy,this irritates them because you have brought their imperfection to attention which may cause preventable aggression.

If you happen to be ashy, it is absolutely imperative you have a bottle of lotion nearby. Brands that are socially acceptable are Jergens, St. Ives, or Vaseline Intensive Care, and any generic Cocoa Butter. For extreme situations, Vaseline Petroleum Jelly may be used as a last resort. Do not use Suave lotion or lotion purchased from your local dollar store, these brands are generally ineffective. If there is no lotion available, saliva may be used as a temporary remedy.

Note: Being ashy is what created this never-ending love affair between Blacks and lotion. (This applies to African-Americans. Dry skin is socially acceptable in Africa.)

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32 comments

  1. LMFAO!!! So true!


  2. Oh my God, that’s so funny. I went to this guy’s house that I was dating and his dresser was full of nothing but lotion. He had to have had a least 15 different kinds. He would spend his Saturday afternoon searching for new brands of lotions once he no longer found the ones he had effective. I think we were a match made in heaven since I would NEVER leave the house without applying lotion. In the summer I’m sweaty as hell from the lotion but that’s ok, at least I’m not ashy…


  3. tell him he can use johnsons baby oil gel, and for the summer a light application should suffice


  4. “What white people like” uses White people’s obsession with what is stereotypically “upper class” social, economic and political cultural behavior as a tool for sacrcasm.

    Your posts are concerned with the lowest elements of sterotypical Black culture and through your humor you maintain the status quo.

    Good job….

    Call me bourgeoise if you must, yet my experience of Blackness is quite different. There are truly two classes that have emerged. My parents are professionals; I have a PhD; my sibling and his wife make more than 80 percent of the population and the majority of my family members reside in households that make over $100,000 a year. There are quite a few of us who are educated, successful and positive beyond belief.

    But you keep on writing nonsense…


  5. So you’re saying that you don’t use lotion?


  6. I love lotion, particularly cocoa butter with aloe. However, ashy ankles and elbows that look like they have been kneading biscuit flour, etc., is not my point.

    I could create hiliarious posts based upon the base of Black culture. Just reach deeper. Surface humor is easy….


  7. BAnders is right. I could find this type of stuff on BET comic view…

    White people do this ….

    Black people do that…….


  8. Great post. Right now, I go for the cocoa/shea butter mix…But when i don’t have it around, gotta rely on that saliva…Especially for that area that connects the thumb to your pointer finger…I know ya’ll have done that too!


  9. Yeah…we do we ashy at times…but this is low-brow information at best and neither informative or funny.


  10. Bsanders, what is stereotypical about loving lotion? If the people over there at Stuff white people liked the same stuff you wouldn’t be mad at them. It’s not a stereotype to love lotion.

    So you want him to say Black people like PH.D? Are we lowering our standards because most of us like cocoa butter or vaseline (and not because we’re black by the way, it’s because it works for dark skin)?


  11. Deidra,

    What are you talking about? How can you create questions and then attribute them to me?

    My first post was in response to the underlying theme of the website, not about lotion…

    Are you serious???

    Why would I have a problem with lotion….

    I am going to stop posting now before this gets really stupid.


  12. to: bAnders…

    ashyness doesn’t just plague the lower economic strata of blackness. we are all concerned with the war against ash.


  13. Hey relax BAnders….what’s wrong with a lighthearted website where people can have a good laugh? If you don’t like the website, don’t visit and post repeatedly. Everyone knows that black people are bright, I think white folks got the memo.


  14. hehe, the african thing at the end is what got me…because its SO true. Most of the time i take to get ready tho is jus applying lotion. Cant go around with ashy ankles namean?

    -fred-


  15. who pissed in banders cornflakes this morning?
    i think the post is funny. just chilll out
    hes just mad cus he prob gets so ashy he can rub his elbows together and start a fire


  16. Don’t forget powder.

    http://www.IGotUGGs.com
    http://www.BehindtheApprovalMatrix.com


  17. I can’t believe this site and I can’t believe the support. Never in my life have I come across a group of people so ignorant. It hurts my heart, we can’t ever rise up if this is what we consider comedy. This is some Dumb SHIT. But in all honesty the people that find this funny are helpless and will forever drown in their own stupidity. Have fun working at wal-mart, the gas station and sweeping floors IDIOTS. Damn.


  18. LMFAO oh god here comes the civil rights movement. LAUGH AT YOURSELF ONCE IN AWHILE i swear it doesnt hurt. we dont need to rise stfu! do you realize this shit doesnt really matter? life is too short to be all rosa parks about a blog thats for laughs. if it doesnt make you laugh PERSONALLY noone strangling you to this shit. im sorry youre easily disgusted. if you havent realized ‘we’ have ‘risen’ or whatever. theres rich black people, black people have made their change. now shut up with this DECADE OLD fight the power negro bullshit. thank you.


  19. ashyness is a disease affecting our community


  20. “We have ‘risen’ or whatever”…..

    Wow. Have we really? Just because “theres rich black people”? That is quite possibly the most ignorant thing I’ve heard today. And BTW, this “fight the power negro bullshit” is more than a decade old.

    Read a book. Please and thanks.


  21. Guilty as charged!

    What a relief to know that I am actually Black.

    PS-I am already training my son about ash.


  22. Africans don’t like ashy skin either. Black soap and moisturizers rich in shea and cocoa butters are very popular.


  23. Ash is one of the seven deadly sins, yet it did not make it onto the Pope’s list today…


  24. Hey Banders: your race card is showing.


  25. […] abuse by being kind to all your black friends; keeping a pack of Newports with you, and a bottle of lotion because the darker you’re skin is the more visible the dry skin/ash is. If you have surpassed […]


  26. i think the african comment at the end was pretty weak and the making fun of dark people post made it seem like that was okay. i’m dark but i dont need cigarettes to have friends, that doesn’t even make sense.


  27. Lol i just use Keri I guess…


  28. lmfao @ wooooowww
    go die, please.


  29. Keri for me, just bury my ass with no ash please. I got my doctorate to think about.


  30. Aveeno lotion works best. Ashy Prevention.


  31. Hey, cool tips. I’ll buy a bottle of beer to the person from that forum who told me to visit your site 🙂


  32. Not that I’m impressed a lot, but this is more than I expected for when I stumpled upon a link on Furl telling that the info is quite decent. Thanks.



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