#7 – Newports

The late 1950’s through Mid-1960’s wasn’t a pleasant time to be a Negro. Times were hard, the streets were rough. And then came Newport cigarettes. With Newports on the loose, the world was a better place. If you had Newports you were automatically “the bomb” and could enter any conversation with style by using this catch phrase, “Anybody want a Newport?” Rumor has it that the first day Newport’s were introduced to the street, the first cigarette out of the first pack was smoked by Martin Luther King.

Newports have a fresher taste than most cigarettes, the menthol is what does the trick. Even if you don’t smoke Newports, it’s a good idea to carry a pack with you. This way you will always be ready to remedy any situation with a hostile black male or female. In order to handle a hostile situation just reach into your purse or pocket in a non-threatening way, smile and say, “here, have a Newport?” This automatically diffuses the situation, and the Black individual will become friendly again. If they are not cigarette smokers, you’re out of luck.

If you are a Black male and smoke Marlboro Lights, do not let your fellow Negro friends know. If they happen to find out this is completely unacceptable and you will be deemed a sissy or a soft-ass n*gga, and will never live it down. Asking a Black man why he smokes Newport cigarettes is like asking a cat why he meows, you just don’t do it.

One of the greatest sports apparel companies owes its success to Newport Cigarettes. It’s been proven that Black people have instinctual attraction to purchase things with the Newport logo on it in any shape or form. This is why Nike is so successful, and everyone knows that Black people absolutely can’t get enough Nike. They say Newports refresh you while you smoke…could this be the reason Michael Jordan came out at half-time playing even better?

*Note – Rotate the Newport Logo 180 degrees and you have a Nike Check. Offering a Black man a Camel cigarette is the equivalent of spitting in his face and stepping on his Air Force Ones, simultaneously.